Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
