bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
