try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
