Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
