I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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