I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
