my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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