Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
