YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Randomize
