Your dad touched me again.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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