just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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