I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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