I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
