I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
