I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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