Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
