I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
