I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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