I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
