She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
