I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
