So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
