He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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