i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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