I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
