You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
