im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
