I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
