So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
