when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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