You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
