I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
