Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have aggressive nipples.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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