Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
