why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
