officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
