it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
