is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
