its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
