If i come over, it means nothing
Will you blow on my dice?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
