Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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