At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
