you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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