Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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