That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
