Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
