I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
