Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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