Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Four minutes until I can fart!
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
