Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
