Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
